We should not do what stupid people do

Once I had a seminar in an organization. After the program was over, a press note was to be prepared about the program and sent to all the newspapers. An employee of the same organization took the responsibility of preparing the press note. He prepared the press note and sent it to me.

When I read the press note, there were some serious mistakes in it that would have ruined the meaning. It was very important to see that such a press note does not reach the newspaper. So I called him and said that the press note is correct but there are some mistakes in it. So do not send the press note to the newspaper right now.

After a while, when I called him about the press note, he told me that “I have sent that press note to the newspaper.”

I got angry for a while. But still I told him calmly, “I had told you not to send it to the newspaper now, so why did you send it then?” Then he defended himself and said, “Sir, I was in a hurry, so I sent it to the newspaper.”

At that moment, I felt like telling him a lot. But I didn’t say anything to him, didn’t criticize him even a little and ended the conversation there, because I knew that what was going to happen had already happened. Criticizing him wasn’t going to improve it.

On the contrary, by doing so, I would lead him to speak the truth or the falsehood in his defense, and whether true or false, no one likes criticism! So, by criticizing, on the contrary, opposition to me would arise in his mind. So I later set my wheels in motion to get that press note back from the press.

Many criticisms had taken shape in my mind about that brother at that time, but I didn’t tell him a single one of them. In my excitement, those criticisms had reached my tongue, I stopped them. At that time, I also suffered a little. But overall, I benefited. Even today, I get good cooperation from that brother.

If I had told him the criticisms that came to my mind about that brother? Then he would have immediately started to disobey. If I had told him, “What serious mistake have you made?” Then he would have immediately felt that one thing is to do the work and not hear back from above?!”

If I had said what came to my mind verbally, I would have had a temporary peace that it was okay, he made a mistake and I showed him his mistake. But that peace would have been temporary.

I just refrained from ‘criticizing’. I did not find fault.

And my work was done.

Although refraining from criticizing is not as easy as it seems. But if you can do it, you can get very good cooperation from people.

Why do we criticize someone?

First, let’s look at examples of criticism. We criticize different people in different ways. For example, (1) You play games during your studies. You don’t sit still. (2) There are some mistakes in the file you have prepared. (3) You don’t pay attention to your food and drink. (4) Your smoking habit is very bad. (5) You drive very dangerously, etc., etc.

Why do we criticize these criticisms? Because we want the best for him. We ask for improvement in that person. But we may not realize that our fight is right but the weapon is not right. Even if we criticize to improve him, we need to understand that ‘another person can never be improved. Only by providing an environment that makes him want to improve can he improve. Providing such an environment is not possible with criticism. On the contrary, it spoils the work.’

Why?

Because by criticizing, the other person immediately creates an internal barrier within himself. He stops our words from entering his mind, starts defending himself and even lies for that.

Before criticizing the other person, try to see the whole matter from the other person’s perspective. Do this attempt by being very neutral and honest. In 50% of cases, then there will be no need to criticize. It will not feel like criticizing.

When my son Nimish joined high school, he used to eat anything and everything all day long. Due to which his weight was increasing. Unnecessary fat started growing on his body. I used to constantly criticize his eating habits. But there was no change in his habits at all. On the contrary, due to my criticism, a protest attitude was taking shape in him. And his body size was increasing. But then I stopped criticizing and criticizing.

Soon he had to go to America for studies. As soon as he went there, he realized the need to control his overweight body. He started controlling his food. He started adopting scientific methods of losing weight and made his body slim, strong and toned. The waist was 44″ and it became 34%. This was his journey of losing ten inches in waist circumference. He also wrote a book on it, “My Ten Inch Ji”.

What I mean by saying is that every person realizes something at the right time. But if you criticize him, blame him, instead of correcting the mistake, he repeats the mistake. That person continues his mistake even for the sake of protest. It is really foolish to criticize someone.

In 2010, I had a mind power workshop in Delhi’s Tihar Jail. That was the time. There are other sub-jails, departments inside Tihar Jail. After the program, I also got a chance to talk to many prisoners individually. I was in the section of the most dangerous prisoners who committed serious crimes. In which there were big robbers, terrorists and murderers. I was asking everyone why you have been given this punishment? What did you do? ?

The answer was shocking. Most of the prisoners said, “Sir, we have done nothing, we have been falsely implicated.” Think about it, even those who have been legally prosecuted, convicted and punished by the court consider themselves innocent. And if those people consider themselves innocent, then is it any wonder that our surroundings, our own family, relatives, friends, acquaintances consider themselves innocent? Then what is the use of criticizing people who make simple mistakes? I have also seen children who, due to constant criticism by their parents for their extracurricular activities, have vented all their anger and resentment on their studies. Such students have completely stopped paying attention to their studies. They stop just for the sake of protesting and then their careers fall apart. Whose fault is it? Most parents are not aware of what they are doing in their rush to correct their children. If we want the future of the child to be bright, then we should immediately put a stop to the activity of criticizing the child. Must.

Many students who suffer from smallpox and come to me for personal counseling say this. ‘I have never heard anything about me from my parents except criticism.’ Three-four students have even said, crying, that my parents have even told me, “I made a mistake by giving birth to you,” which is something that I cannot get out of my mind.

Those who criticize their children need to be careful. Children who are victims of such criticism turn against their parents in the future out of a sense of revenge. Old age homes are not increasing just like that. If you want the well-being of your children, then you must read my new book ‘Ekrarar’.

Remember this very specifically that the doors to you are closed in the heart of the person you criticize. Even if the criticism is true. (Most criticisms are true.) Still, the other person considers our attack on his mistake as a personal attack on his self-esteem and because of that, that person creates a ‘distance’ with us.

In the German army, there is a law that if a soldier commits a crime or takes a wrong step and his superior wants to prepare a report criticizing him, he can do so only after twenty-four hours. (After waking up from sleep) so that he does not get criticized too much.

Instead of criticizing, one should actually use energy in finding out why the person did the critical work. The behavior of the people around us and those who make small mistakes are influenced by their minds, which they are not even aware of. What right do we have to be the judge of others?

A person is not just a structure of flesh and blood. Every human being has a tender, tender heart. A heart full of feelings. Even in a saint and even in a murderer…

So refrain from criticizing anyone.