Even if you take care of them, – Many people come to me for personal counseling with complaints about their children, husband, wife or parents or company employees. The complaints that come to mind from conversations with them are as follows.
(1) My husband is so immersed in his business that he does not have time even for our children. He leaves home early in the morning, comes home late at night.
(2) My husband has a bad habit of eating tobacco-containing spices. I am annoyed but he does not give up this habit.
(3) My wife often gets angry with her children. She does not even think about how it will affect the child’s mind.
(4) My wife is so interested in watching boring serials that her thinking has also become negative now.
(5) My father, despite being seventy years old, still interferes in business matters, does not allow me to work in my own way.
(6) My father’s health is not good at all, but he rushes to all the family events and then gets annoyed by running around and eating whatever he wants.
(7) My mother keeps nagging my wife all day and as soon as I come home, she starts crying and complaining.
(8) My mother has severe diabetes, but she does not give up eating. She does not stop eating sweets and then gets annoyed.
(9) My son spends most of the day watching TV and playing computer games. He does not understand the seriousness of studying.”
(10) My daughter has made friends with girls whose morals are nowhere to be found. They just keep their mobile phones in their ears all day long.
(11) Our company’s staff has become very lazy. There is no sense of responsibility in the phone calls.
(12) My employees repeatedly make serious mistakes, the company is suffering losses and they are not getting any better by blaming each other, etc., etc., etc.
After hearing the complaint, I ask them what are you doing to rectify their mistakes? Then the answer is that Sir, we explain them in many ways, try to explain through another person, get angry, give strict warnings, but it doesn’t make any difference. Now you tell me what to do?
Hearing this, my mind often thinks. Most people have not done anything to ‘rectify’ the other person’s mistake. What they call effort is a big There are instructions to correct the mistake. More than that, the work of pointing out the mistake has been done. Due to this, the mistake increases instead of being corrected.
A person makes a big mistake when he directly shows the other person his mistake and that too with great resentment.
For example:
- You are more interested in business than family. If you come home a little earlier, you can spend some time with the children.
- 8 When will you stop eating spices now?
- Don’t get angry with the children.
- Didn’t I stop you from watching all these serials?
- Why don’t you leave business matters yet, Dad?
- Now at this age, there is no need to run around with relatives.
- Mom, when will your complaining nature improve?
- Do you want to stop eating sweets now or not?
- 8 You should not play computer games from tomorrow.
- Don’t hang out with useless friends too much, pay attention at home You.
- When will you realize your responsibility?
- 8 There is always something wrong with your every work. Etc…
People call saying this repeatedly as ‘trying to improve’. And the way of saying it is such that it often hurts a person. When the person is hurt by the attempt to correct a mistake, then it becomes very difficult to improve that person.
While pointing out a mistake to someone, it is very important to see that the emotional connection with that person is not cut off. It is very important to see that the door to enter their mind is not closed. While pointing out a mistake, we should not bring to the surface all the things that we do not like about that person. “The work done by the person may be inappropriate. “Not the person.” – The sooner this matter is understood, the better. One should not use such an attitude to point out a mistake that makes that person dislike us. Pointing out someone’s mistake is a task that requires a special kind of skill. It is an art. If you can acquire this art, you can rule the hearts of people. Our work is also done and the other person also benefits.
It was 1975. Dilip, the son of a simple farmer from a small village in Saurashtra, came to study at the Engineering College in Ahmedabad. In those days, going to Ahmedabad was a big deal. Dilip had never seen a city. He stepped straight from the dust of the village onto the roads of Ahmedabad. Wow! What a big city! What wide roads, what magnificent bungalows, cinema halls… and then the free atmosphere of the college, the concerts of the hostel…
Dilip, who was fascinated by Ahmedabad, instead of studying responsibly, slowly took to the path of fun. He started getting absorbed in moving around, watching films, roping in the college, etc. A distant relative of his living in Ahmedabad informed Dilip’s father living in the village that the boy was getting spoiled, if he did not keep him in check, he would soon go astray, and would completely lose his way.
Dilip’s father was shocked to know this. He thought, “Oh my Dilip, has he changed so much? If he doesn’t pay attention to his studies, how will he become an engineer? If he can’t become an engineer, his career will be ruined. In such poverty, he has been sent to Ahmedabad to study by arranging a meager amount of money. If he doesn’t earn by becoming an engineer, when will he be able to support his family?”
On the other hand, that distant relative living in Ahmedabad called Dilip to his house and said, “If Dilip, you have come here to study, don’t wander around and have fun. None of your lazy brothers from college will be of any use. Stop wandering around and watching films, otherwise you will fail.”
Dilip was not particularly affected, his fun and games increased and he actually failed. He got A.T.K.T. in three subjects. However, he still didn’t take his studies seriously.
Ch. Dilip,
You will be fine. Are you doing well in Ahmedabad, son? You might miss our village, home and family, but we are happy that you got to study in a big city like Ahmedabad. All this is the grace of God. Brother, otherwise, where would Ahmedabad be in our destiny? Especially your father writes that you should eat on time and take care of your body.
I don’t worry about here at all. There hasn’t been enough rain in our parish yet, but it will happen, the sowing has been done, we are waiting for the rain, otherwise the desire is strong.
Two days ago, your uncle from Ahmedabad came here to work on the land. I brought him home to eat. After dinner, he said that our Dilip doesn’t pay much attention to his studies and has got into the company of bad friends and all that…
If that is true… I didn’t pay much attention at all.
Even if that is true to a certain extent, I don’t believe it. I know you well. Son. Your behavior cannot be irresponsible. Just last year, you took all the responsibility for Chandubapa’s Shila’s wedding, didn’t you? During Shambhu Maharaj’s week in the village, all the youth took up the work and that too for seven days. All that happened under your leadership, didn’t you? Everyone in the village always remembers your hard work. Ever since you grew up, you took the responsibility of farming from me. I don’t know all these facts, son.
But if you are going to miss out on such a responsibility in your studies, then take it on, son. I see you becoming a successful engineer. We still have two matters to resolve. We have to buy a permanent house. If God wills, we will go abroad. You have that passion, son. I am sure that you are smart and responsible. Don’t make your uncle angry. Keep coming and going to his house, if you need anything else, let him know, if you are short of money, let him know in advance, and take care of your health. Everything will be fine.
Li. Bapuji’s blessings.
The letter was completed and tears started flowing from Dilip’s eyes. Tears of regret. And then it seemed as if Dilip’s new life began.
Well, this is the art of pointing out mistakes. Behaving in a way that makes the other person feel bad does not change him. Remember that in the matter of the mistake, praise the person in that matter and only then draw attention to the mistake. Don’t we apply cream before shaving? Point out the mistake in such a way that it does not arouse opposition from them, we do not need to be a pushover.
As far as possible, the person should be shown his mistake in private and the important thing is to encourage the fact that it is possible to correct the mistake after pointing out the mistake.
Adopt this new way of pointing out the mistake.
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